mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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