hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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