remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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