mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
