please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
