It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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