sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
