all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
