my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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