I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
