Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
