i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
home. puking in laundry basket.
my shit smells like andre
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
