You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
