The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
