Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
