JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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