My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
