Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
