fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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