Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
