Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
