How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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