Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I wish they made helmets for livers.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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