Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
