i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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