honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize