Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
