so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
