Your tits are I can't wait for
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
