Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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