so explain again why im purple
no
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
