Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
