i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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