Heybabeimwearingurpanties
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
