saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize