we have officially lost it.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
