Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just want to make out with him forever
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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