We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
