hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
and i looked up. we had an audience...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
