I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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