Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
i need some magic done to my vagina
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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