if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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