I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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