She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
