I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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