Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
