True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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