They should really pass out barf bags in church
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
This is my gift to your gina
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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