How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
