Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
