in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
