His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
