well I can't set my house on fire every night
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
