these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
