it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
