when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
