if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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