i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
