No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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