I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Randomize
