I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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