ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
