I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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