Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
