I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
