Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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