My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
