Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
