I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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