Your mouth is God's brothel.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
