I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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