HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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