hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
