Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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