last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
