Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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