Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
