he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
