end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
