The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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