I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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