I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
