My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Say something about gay babies.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
