I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Randomize
