She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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