I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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