Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
