Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
should my penis look like a turkey
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
