When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
