I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
