looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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