Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
