I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
